Dinosaurs

Dinosaurs, my friends, are the cause for all the world's problems today.

For you see, it was the dinosaurs, who created religion - they knew it would screw the beings-to-come over. Don't understand how? Allow me to explain:

The meteor that wiped most of the dinosaurs out, you remember that from elementary school at least I would hope, well it was faked, by the dinosaurs. Well, the smart ones at least; here's how:
The aliens, the pesky buggers that built the pyramids, transported the two smartest dinosaurs from each species, both a male and female alike, for reproduction purposes of course. These pyramids were built to show the pick up point for these dinosaurs. The lucky ones, were taken to a new planet created just for them, called the Lost Planet.

Now, these are the one's that escaped the meteor, the rest, the "Rejects" as I like to call them, did not know what was going on, and thought they were the lucky ones. In memory of their lost friends, they transcribed onto papyrus (invented by stegosauruses, not the Egyptians) a story of these great boats coming and taking these pairs of dinosaurs aboard, with their lights beaming so bright the earth could not be seen. This is also how we get the many 'Great Flood' stories appearing all around the world. Well, this document, was taken to a cave in the Mediterranean, placed in the heart of the earth it would remain safe. Of course moments later the meteor struck the earth, destroying all the rejected dinosaurs and dropping the temperature of the earth, thereby freezing everything and beginning a new ice age. The document was then frozen in the cave, protected from the scars of time.

It was then, that Pope Jesuhammed, uncovered the document, and, not being fluent in Dinoese, he mistakingly created Christianity, Islam, and Judaism all at once. Although, their appearances were not all turned up at the same lapse in time, the Jesuhammed line kept it secret until it was "time" for them to appear. Which was of course a bad time really, as the people were poor, starving, and chaotic, and found this to be a passport to a "better life", which then caused the Western World to succumb to religion.

This is how the dinosaurs ruined the world. As well as the fact I cannot get a pet velociraptor to devour all of the stupid people I come across immediately.


If you actually take any of this seriously, please go outside, read a book, and stay off the internet forever.

Ten Reasons to F*** a Guitarist

1. They keep going even though it hurts
2. They can play various positions
3. They know how to make the right sounds
4. They do it right or they don’t do it at all
5. They’re used to working with their hands
6. They can tap to the beat
7. They know how to use both hands and their mouth simultaneously
8. They know how to make you scream for more
9. They’re so professional they don’t have to watch what they’re doing
10. They’re open to performing in groups

Past three weeks in one post.

Hey, this is a long one, but totally worth it, so read it.

So it all started on Friday, two weeks before last,
School had ended and our music class had a test on Monday, and the buses were about to leave cause the teacher was taking too long to let the students into the music room to get our instruments, my friend John had to work and was about to miss his bus. Being nice, and knowing I had already missed my bus, I told John to go to his bus so he wouldn't be late for work, and that I would carry home his trombone for him.
(Note that his trombone case doesn't look like a normal one, it's got the characteristics of a rifle casing with BACH written on the side.)
Well anyways as I'm taking the huge walk home, I called his house to make sure somebody would be home so I could drop it off and there would actually be someone there to take it. As I'm on the phone with his mum, I started walking behind Cole Harbour Place, the local community centre, and I noticed an abnormal amount of people in the back of the parking lot, soon people started walking towards me.
Well naturally, being a skinny white boy in band isn't the best thing, so I got kinda worried, but then I heard sirens down the street, lots of them, and then I looked over and everybody in the parking lot was jumping into their cars and driving out of there as fast as they could.
I continued to walk out of the parking lot, and then crossed the street, as soon as I crossed the cops pulled a car over on the same side of the street as I was on, this blocked up traffic for a mile each way, at least. I couldn't go back across the street as there was a steady flow of cars coming and the lights were not changing.
I realized I would have to be on the same side as the cruisers if I was going to make it back to where his mum was expecting to pick me up.
I had heard from one of the people that was there as well, that a few guys had guns at this big fight in the parking lot, and as soon as he said that, the cops pulled the two guys out of the pulled over car and arrested them, that's when I thought "aw crap."
After about 15 minutes of standing there, and the two guys were in the back of the cop car, I decided to start walking. I managed to get past the first cruiser but then there were still 6-7 more to go...
One of the cops had recognized me from the parking lot and saw this huge case in my hand that looked like a weapons case, so of course, they told me to drop it and put my hands up, so they removed my backpack, checked it and its contents, and the case, and patted me down, and let me go free, it scared me senseless, but that gave me helluva story to tell.

Skipping ahead to last weeks Friday, to continue my bad luck, I had just finished the school day whereas I had double math periods, in which I had to write a test AND an in-class assignment. After school I went golfing with my dad and brother, and then on the fifth hole, my brother was hitting out of the rough, on a sidehill lie, at the bottom of the hill, while I was standing at the top of the hill, to his side.
He somehow hit the ball almost perfectly... sideways, the ball came and hit me on the side of my left knee, my dad thought my brother had hit a tree, and my dad was on the other side of the fairway, he looked back, I looked at him, and then I just fell to the ground. Seeing me fall, my dad BOOKED it back towards me, luckily, the marshall and his cart was right beside us, he came and picked me up and drove me back to the clubhouse, I started going into shock on the ride back, then from there I was rushed to hospital.
So anyways, after the shortest stay I've ever experienced in a hospital of only three hours, I managed to survive that one with only a huge bruise on my knee, and a noticeable limp.
I still have that bruise on my knee. Occasionally it will hurt but nothing major.

My advice to anybody who experiences great pain, to shout out "JESUS CHRIST" while wearing a cross, the instant it hurts the most, so basically when it happens, and muraculously, you will be fine.

Although, being hit by my brother with a golf ball just standing there is not as eleborate enough of a story as I'd like, so here's my pimped out version:
I was running across the fairway under a rain of gunfire to save a baby on the otherside, in the middle of the fairway a golfball hit my knee at mach one, I managed to crawl to the babies rescue and kill off the terrorist invaders.

Now that's a story if you ask me.

Now onto this week, the best week of my life.
Except it started on Saturday. I spent that entire day with Erica and Kathleen, and it was wicked fun, one of the best days I'd had in awhile.
From there, there was a dance on Wednesday, where I danced with Erica and had a helluva lot of fun, it was very awesome.
Then on Friday, myself, Kathleen, John, James, and Erica, were all hanging out at Kathleens, and we made a few insiders, which were hilarious, it was an amazing day, in which James and I ate half of the scrabble pieces. No joke. This was also an amazing day because Johnson got me a job, he is the fucking man.

And Saturday, the best day. I asked Erica out on Saturday, and got a yes, and John asked Kathleen, and got a yes, and it's awesome because Erica and Kathleen are best friends, and John and I are the same, so as Kathleen said, "it's like a circle", personally I think it is more square because four points and all, but you get the idea.

All I can say is that I've had the best week of my life, and that I've had some pretty eventful times in the month of September.

Headsets

Okay, I would like to address one of my biggest pet peeves about online gaming. Yes, I am referring to nothing less severe than microphone headsets.

Microphone headsets are a great tool that add an extra level of teamwork to online games. Being able to communicate with your teammates without having to actually stop and type is an invaluable ability. Unfortunately, microphone headsets can also be a huge nuisance.

Imagine, if you will, a game of Counter Strike. It's a good server, ping below 50, people who know what they're doing, but who don't totally destroy you. There are no tkers or AWP whores. Things are good.

But then, small, orange text pops into the bottom left corner of your screen. It reads:

"OMG I PWN @ CS!!!111111oneoneoneoen has joined the game."*

A shiver runs down your spine as you check the scoreboard. A small yellow speaker with lines
radiating from it is displayed beside his score. You look slowly between his name, and the speaker with horror. Realization slowly dawns on you just as a small box with the accursed speaker and name appears in the corner. At first, nothing happens. Then, a sound begins to come out of your speakers. You smack them, mistaking the noise as a hardware malfunction. It must be a hardware malfunction, you tell yourself. Nothing else could be that annoying.

But then you realize the truth. Your speakers are perfectly fine. You check your options and see that the voice volume is turned down. You stare at it for a minute, uncertain about what to do. Then you click and slowly, oh so slowly, drag the slider to the right and click apply.

The pain is immediate. You desperately clasp your hands over your ears and bang your head against the desk, howling in pain. After a minute the high pitched squealing emanating from your speakers fades into barely audible words. You can hear every dog in the neighborhood barking outside. Your right speaker crackles in protest before exploding outwards. Hot plastic burns into your skin but you don't notice. All you hear is the high, prepubescent voice filling your head.

"Oh my God! You suck! What kind of pansy uses a scout? You guys are all such noobs! The AWP is freaking amazing! Holy crap how did I not hit you? You're so hacking! Oh my God!"

You lose consciousness, and when you wake up you see your character getting t-bagged on the screen. Both your speakers have been reduced to smouldering piles of plastic. Had your speakers held up you might have been killed. You utter a quick prayer to the sky and take half a bottle of Advil for the splitting headache you are now experiencing.

This, my friends, is what happens when 12 year-old Counter-Strike noobs get to use headsets. It's shocking, I know, but anyone who's ever played an online game knows how true it is.
If you're one of those 12 year-olds, go find a nice, tall cliff and jump off it.

That's pretty much it.

-Mullet Fish



*This is a name I've actually seen while playing Counter-Strike. Don't believe me? Go play Counter-Strike.

My legs...and arms...and stomach...

Well, for those who don't know, I am in the Royal Canadian Army Cadets. It blows.

Now tonight we had a sports night. When cadets say that it's going to be a "sports" night, they do in fact mean that it's going to be a "Run until you start to feel sick and get dizzy, then instead of getting some water and having a nice rest, we'll make you do push-ups and Airborne jumping jacks and scissor kicks and then you get to try an play ball hockey against the well rested officers who play in a league, and then if you're a member of the Cool Dumbasses they make you do flag party drill with your eyes closed until the RSM of the corps is happy. Then you get to go home and try and remain conscious long enough to make a half-assed attempt at doing your homework while your parents and sister bitch at you" night. But I'm not bitter. Oh no, not me.

And Pabber, I'm not going to leadership camp.

Yay Shooting!

So today was like, an awesome day. I did my homework in like, half an hour, and then it was off to the range with dear father.

It was intense. First I got to fire a 1941 Lee Enfield. It was pretty cool, but it was louder, and there was more recoil than I had anticipated. I can totally see why those war vets are a bit hard of hearing. I had a hard time hearing one of the things with ear protection on. I can't imagine having like, hundreds of the things going off around me.

Anyway, the Enfield was pretty sweet. Then I got to shoot the M1 Garand, a gun I had heretofore been able to shoot only in Day of Defeat. It was pretty cool. It ejects the spent casings pretty quick, though, and I managed to hit the people next to me with one. Oh, and when the clip is finished, it actually makes that cool metallic noise, and pops the case up and out. Apparently it's the only gun to do that.

Then, after going a couple of relays with the Garand, I got to use some crazy, custom, .303 rifle with a scope. It was awesome. The crosshairs were the same as in Counter-Strike 1.6, and when I shot a bullseye I couldn't resist muttering "Headshot." My dad, of course, had no idea what I was talking about.

Overall, it was an excellent waste of an afternoon, although my shoulder is a little sore now.

The blog is running pretty shweetly, if I do say so myself. Look at all these posts! Woo.

And that's about all I have to say.

-Mullet Fish

Jimi in...

Most call me Mathias, but you can call me Jimi if you want.

I met Chathias in the second grade of elementary school, here on the bonny bonny banks on Loch Lomo....err, the playground of the school in Nova Scotia. Since then we have remained best of friends, even though he had the gall to move halfway across the country, the bastard, haha joking man.

Yeah well anyways I was in a golf tournament yesterday, with a whopping two hours of sleep my father and I headed out to the course. It was a shotgun start so we ended up having to go to the 12th hole first, luckily I got to drive the golf cart, except for the fact that our cart had a flat tyre and a dying battery, in tanked on, that cart was a trooper.
We were paired up with a guy named Dave Richards, who lives 15 minutes away from me, but I find it cool because he owns a huge worldwide company called PV Inspections.
Well anyways we shot 1 under par in the tournament, (-1, 71, however you want to put it), and we probably won some prizes but my dad decided to leave early so we will never know.
But other than that, I won a t-shirt and got some weird bag thingy with some golf balls, and a hat, and some other stuff, that was cool.
At the lunch after the tournament I was sitting at a table with 3 shipping agents, and one guy where I don't know what he does, and the other guy worked for FedEX. The guy who worked for FedEx, I had actually met him the week before at the AirShow, it was pretty cool, small world after all.
I met a lot of really nice people there, quite a few were Americans.
Other than that, it was an awesome tournament, and I can't wait to go again next year.

Oh Dear

Well, I'm Mullet Fish. You can call me, "T3h //\/\u1137 F15h" if you really want, but I don't recommend it. It took me like, a minute to type that thing up. Although it sure is beastly...

Anyway, this should be an interesting project. We'll basically chronicle the various goings-on of the Cool Dumbasses. Usually "Cool Dumbasses" is preceded by the current number of members, but exactly how many members we have has been a little bit...unclear, lately.

I guess this isn't really much in the way of an introductory post. Although it's late and I'm a little tired. We're still getting this blog sorted out, working out exactly how it works and whatnot. It seems fairly straightforward, so we should start having some regular posts in no time.

That's all for me.

-Mullet Fish

Welcome...welcome to the CD Blog.

Good evening, Internet. This is sure to be an interesting endeavour.

This blog will be shared by the requisite members of the Cool Dumbasses; Chathias, Jimithias, Mullet Fish, Pabber and T-Bore. For those of you who don't know who the Cool Dumbasses are, allow me to explain.

The Cool Dumbasses is really just a group of friends with a shared love for gaming. I met Jimithias when I lived on the east coast, and met the rest of the group soon after moving here, Mullet Fish a bit later. We generally play games like Garry's Mod, StarCraft, Counter Strike, Day of Defeat, The Specialists, etc. As an addition, we each play games that the others don't. (Me especially.)

So, sit back internet, and wait out the ride that is the CD Blog.

-Chathias