Headsets
Okay, I would like to address one of my biggest pet peeves about online gaming. Yes, I am referring to nothing less severe than microphone headsets.
Microphone headsets are a great tool that add an extra level of teamwork to online games. Being able to communicate with your teammates without having to actually stop and type is an invaluable ability. Unfortunately, microphone headsets can also be a huge nuisance.
Imagine, if you will, a game of Counter Strike. It's a good server, ping below 50, people who know what they're doing, but who don't totally destroy you. There are no tkers or AWP whores. Things are good.
But then, small, orange text pops into the bottom left corner of your screen. It reads:
"OMG I PWN @ CS!!!111111oneoneoneoen has joined the game."*
A shiver runs down your spine as you check the scoreboard. A small yellow speaker with lines
radiating from it is displayed beside his score. You look slowly between his name, and the speaker with horror. Realization slowly dawns on you just as a small box with the accursed speaker and name appears in the corner. At first, nothing happens. Then, a sound begins to come out of your speakers. You smack them, mistaking the noise as a hardware malfunction. It must be a hardware malfunction, you tell yourself. Nothing else could be that annoying.
But then you realize the truth. Your speakers are perfectly fine. You check your options and see that the voice volume is turned down. You stare at it for a minute, uncertain about what to do. Then you click and slowly, oh so slowly, drag the slider to the right and click apply.
The pain is immediate. You desperately clasp your hands over your ears and bang your head against the desk, howling in pain. After a minute the high pitched squealing emanating from your speakers fades into barely audible words. You can hear every dog in the neighborhood barking outside. Your right speaker crackles in protest before exploding outwards. Hot plastic burns into your skin but you don't notice. All you hear is the high, prepubescent voice filling your head.
"Oh my God! You suck! What kind of pansy uses a scout? You guys are all such noobs! The AWP is freaking amazing! Holy crap how did I not hit you? You're so hacking! Oh my God!"
You lose consciousness, and when you wake up you see your character getting t-bagged on the screen. Both your speakers have been reduced to smouldering piles of plastic. Had your speakers held up you might have been killed. You utter a quick prayer to the sky and take half a bottle of Advil for the splitting headache you are now experiencing.
This, my friends, is what happens when 12 year-old Counter-Strike noobs get to use headsets. It's shocking, I know, but anyone who's ever played an online game knows how true it is.
If you're one of those 12 year-olds, go find a nice, tall cliff and jump off it.
That's pretty much it.
-Mullet Fish
*This is a name I've actually seen while playing Counter-Strike. Don't believe me? Go play Counter-Strike.
Microphone headsets are a great tool that add an extra level of teamwork to online games. Being able to communicate with your teammates without having to actually stop and type is an invaluable ability. Unfortunately, microphone headsets can also be a huge nuisance.
Imagine, if you will, a game of Counter Strike. It's a good server, ping below 50, people who know what they're doing, but who don't totally destroy you. There are no tkers or AWP whores. Things are good.
But then, small, orange text pops into the bottom left corner of your screen. It reads:
"OMG I PWN @ CS!!!111111oneoneoneoen has joined the game."*
A shiver runs down your spine as you check the scoreboard. A small yellow speaker with lines
radiating from it is displayed beside his score. You look slowly between his name, and the speaker with horror. Realization slowly dawns on you just as a small box with the accursed speaker and name appears in the corner. At first, nothing happens. Then, a sound begins to come out of your speakers. You smack them, mistaking the noise as a hardware malfunction. It must be a hardware malfunction, you tell yourself. Nothing else could be that annoying.
But then you realize the truth. Your speakers are perfectly fine. You check your options and see that the voice volume is turned down. You stare at it for a minute, uncertain about what to do. Then you click and slowly, oh so slowly, drag the slider to the right and click apply.
The pain is immediate. You desperately clasp your hands over your ears and bang your head against the desk, howling in pain. After a minute the high pitched squealing emanating from your speakers fades into barely audible words. You can hear every dog in the neighborhood barking outside. Your right speaker crackles in protest before exploding outwards. Hot plastic burns into your skin but you don't notice. All you hear is the high, prepubescent voice filling your head.
"Oh my God! You suck! What kind of pansy uses a scout? You guys are all such noobs! The AWP is freaking amazing! Holy crap how did I not hit you? You're so hacking! Oh my God!"
You lose consciousness, and when you wake up you see your character getting t-bagged on the screen. Both your speakers have been reduced to smouldering piles of plastic. Had your speakers held up you might have been killed. You utter a quick prayer to the sky and take half a bottle of Advil for the splitting headache you are now experiencing.
This, my friends, is what happens when 12 year-old Counter-Strike noobs get to use headsets. It's shocking, I know, but anyone who's ever played an online game knows how true it is.
If you're one of those 12 year-olds, go find a nice, tall cliff and jump off it.
That's pretty much it.
-Mullet Fish
posted by Mullet Fish at 8:40 PM
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